Travelin' Soldier
by pearls-eye-view
Summary: PruCan. Gilbert is going to fight in the Vietnam War, leaving nothing behind. Until the day of his departure, when he meets a boy who serves him coffee and catches his attention. They talk and Gilbert asks if he can write letters to this mysterious Matthew. Inspired by the Dixie Chick's song, Travelin' Soldier.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi everyone! This is a fic inspired by the song, Travelin' Soldier, by the Dixie Chicks. I hope to upload the next chapters every other day, but I don't think this is going to be a terribly long fic. As a writer, constructive criticism is appreciated, but please be nice. Thank you, and enjoy!_

* * *

Gilbert got off the bus, looked around, and sighed. He was wearing his uncomfortable army greens and had several hours to kill until he had to catch the next bus that would take him to the training camp. He had just turned eighteen two days ago, and had immediately signed up to be shipped over-seas to fight for his country in the Vietnam War.

Gil didn't have any family left, and his few possessions were in a pack on his back. His mom had died when he was just a kid, so his dad had raised him and his little brother alone. Ludwig had passed away when he was five of polio. If the Beilschmidt's had had more money, they may have been able to pay for some sort of treatment, but seeing as money was tight enough as it was, Ludwig had died and sent their father into a state of depression, which he had tried to push away with drinking. Constantly.

He eventually went to fight in the later stages of WWII, but had never come back, leaving Gilbert to fend for himself. Gil had stayed in school for only a little while after that, dropping out when the teasing and bullying had gotten too much. Being the awesome person that he was, he could have beaten those bullies up and walked away without a scratch, obviously. He just didn't want to cause any trouble, that's all. He knew he looked different, with almost white hair and blood-red eyes, but that didn't mean people had to hate him for it… did it?

He found a low paying job at an auto shop until he was old enough to fight in the war and leave his hometown behind without a second glance. And now he was here, in a small town with nothing to do. He shook himself out of the thoughts of the past, and started off down the street looking for something to occupy his time with.

_Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin's Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier_

Matthew sighed and looked around the small café he had a part-time job in. It didn't pay very well, but it kept him busy in between school and band practice. He tried to keep himself busy, so that he didn't have much time to just sit and think, which always led to dark thoughts.

Mattie had a pretty good life. He was a junior in high school, got good grades, played in their school's marching band, and had a family that loved him. Or, tried to, that is. They didn't notice him, just like everyone else. Or when they did, they always mistook him for his loud and confident twin, Alfred. Of course Mattie loved his brother, but it made him sad that he was all but invisible next to the great Alfred, who was the best at everything. Except when it came to grades and schoolwork, but that was usually just overlooked.

Matthew scowled as he wiped down a table, but looked up when the little bell on the door tinkled, signaling the arrival of a new costumer. Mattie, still scowling, grabbed his notepad and stalked over to where the costumer had seated himself. He stopped short however, when he saw who was sitting in the booth. It was the most beautiful man he had ever seen. The young man, who didn't look much older than himself, had off-white hair and a sharp jawline. He was dressed in a green uniform that Mattie had seen some of the other army recruits wearing the past few months. But what really threw him off were the man's eyes. They were a vibrant red that made Matthew stare; not out of fear or dislike for the man being different, but out of curiosity of what kind of person this man was and what secrets he might be hiding.

After a few seconds that may have seemed like hours to Mattie, he shook himself, and seeing that the man was looking a bit nervous and possibly even shy, Matthew gave the young man one of his rare smiles and said in his quiet voice, "Hi. I'm Matthew. I'll be your waiter today."


	2. Chapter 2

2.

Gil gave his order to the smiling, quiet-spoken waiter boy. It had taken him a moment to find his voice, which was strange for him, seeing how he was a very awesome person. As the waiter, who had said his name was Matthew, left to take his order of coffee and eggs to the kitchen, Gilbert couldn't stop his eyes from following the boy. He never saw someone look as good as this Matthew did. And the boy was so sweet to, giving him a friendly smile and all. It was probably what the boy was paid to do, but it made Gil not feel so bad about his life and the hard days that were sure to come. That soft-spoken boy and his mile made Gil feel happy for the first time in… well, forever.

He had been staring at his hands thinking all this, with a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He looked up and smiled genuinely when the boy set his plate and mug in front of him.

"Thank you Birdie."

Matthew tilted his head a little in confusion at the nickname, but offered the man a ghost of a smile and asked, "Is there anything else I can get for you?"

"Actually," Gil said, "Would you mind sitting down for a while and talking to me?"

Mattie was greatly surprised by the strange request. No one ever took much interest in him, much less wanted to have a conversation, unless they were asking for something. None the less, this man looked like he could use a friend, so Matthew took pity on him, glancing backwards at the kitchen and looked back at the man saying, "I'm off in a bit and I know where we could go, if you wish."

The young man nodded and Mattie walked away smiling to himself. He didn't know who the strange man was, but he was determined to find out, he thought as he went about cleaning tables and serving the few other costumers that were in on this Saturday morning in autumn.

_Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin's Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier_

He glanced at the clock about fifteen minutes later, and while grabbing his coat muttered a quick goodbye to his boss, who merely grunted in return. He walked over to where the young man was sitting and staring out the window with a now cold cup of coffee clutched in his hands. Matthew couldn't help but smile, which was quite strange, as he usually wasn't the smiling, happy type of person.

He cleared he throat, startling the man out of his thoughts.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yeah," the man said, "My name's Gilbert, by the way."

Matthew smiled again, "Well Gilbert, it's nice to meet your acquaintance."

"You as well, Birdie," Gilbert said as he gestured for Mattie to lead the way out of the diner.

"Why do you call me that?"

Gil frowned, "Do you not like it? I can stop if you want. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I was just curious."

They walked in silence for a bit, Mattie wondering what he had done wrong and Gilbert trying to think of an answer.

"I don't know," Gil finally muttered after several minutes.

"I like it," Matthew smiled. Where were all these smiles coming from? He never smiled. He wondered what had come over him.

"That's good," Gil looked relieved. He wanted to talk to this person, maybe get to know him, not scare him off.

"Oh hey, it's this way," Mattie, or Birdie, excitedly grabbed Gil's hand and half led, half dragged him over to their destination.

Gilbert, completely surprised by the small, warm hand in his, froze for a second, but then let himself be led away, all the while wondering who this strange person who had mysteriously wandered into his life was.

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_Yeah... so there you have it. Chapter two! I'm sorry the chapter are so short, I'm still trying to figure out this whole thing... Oh well. Chapter three should be here soon!_


	3. Chapter 3

3.

Gilbert blinked. They were at a pier. He hadn't realized that the town had quite a big lake. He gazed out over the water. There were a few sailboats out enjoying the autumn breeze. Gil smiled. It was beautiful, and a good way to spend his last day before probable intense training. He looked down to see Matthew sitting on the beach and patting the spot beside him, looking up expectantly.

Gilbert smiled and sat down. They huddled together, because as nice as the day was, the wind was pretty chilly.

"So tell me about yourself," Mattie broke the peaceful silence, hoping to learn a little about the man beside him.

Gil snorted, "What do you want to know?"

"Who are you? Where did you come from? Why are you going to war? Who's your family? Why did you choose me to talk to?"

Gilbert laughed and put his hands up to stop the flow of questions.

"Okay, okay. I guess I deserved that," he said, still grinning. "Let's see… My name is Gilbert Beilschmidt. I'm the awesomest person you'll ever meet, and I came from a city north of here. I want to fight because my family is dead and I have nothing better to do with my miserable life."

His speech had gotten sadder and sadder the further it went on, bragging the corners of Matthew's mouth into a frown.

"I'm sorry," Mattie said, genuinely sorry, even though none of it was his fault.

Gilbert visibly shook himself, turning to smile at the bay next to him.

"Don't worry about me Birdie. I'm sorry for being such a downer. To answer your last question, I wanted to talk to you because there's something different about you, and you seem like a very kind person to take time out of your day to talk to someone like me."

Mattie was shocked, but he managed to stammer, "But I don't understand… No one ever wants to talk to me. I'm nobody. People always ignore me or just don't see me. I have almost no friends and my family barely acknowledges I exist. It's like I'm invisible."

During this outburst, hot tears of anger and long pent up sadness started to run down the young boy's face. Gilbert was horrified, but by some instinct pulled the boy into a hug, gently rocking him while the kid he hardly knew cried into his shoulder.

"I'm… I'm sorry," Matthew managed to get out in between sobs.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. You don't have to be sorry. I don't mind. I know how you feel."

Mattie pulled away, shamefully wiping the tears from his face. He didn't know what had come over him, and he felt bad for soaking Gilbert's uniform. Matthew never opened up to anyone, and his sudden confession of feelings left his exhausted.

"You… you do?" He said, sniffing, the tears drying from the breeze. He wouldn't meet Gilbert's eyes, still ashamed of himself.

Gil reached out and tilted Birdie's chin up so his startling violet-blue eyes would meet the intense gaze of Gil's red ones.

"Yeah. I was…" he paused, he had never told anyone this before, but he rushed out, "I was bullied before I dropped out of school."

He dropped his eyes and let go of Mattie's chin. He sighed as he turned back to the water, still feeling Matthew's eyes on him. He looked up in surprise when a small hand found its way into his bigger, rougher one.

Matthew offered him a shy smile, "At least the paid attention to you, even if they weren't kind about it."

Gil huffed out a snort, "I'm not sure being called Devil Eyes and being shoved into lockers is the kind of attention anyone would want."

Matthew humphed, "I like your eyes, thank you very much."  
"You'd be the first," Gil smirked, appreciating his Birdie's efforts to make him feel better.

"I seriously doubt that," he replied sassily.

Gil nudged Mattie, being careful not to break their still clasped hands, "Oh you do now, do you?"

Mattie bumped him back, smiling, "Yes, I do."

Gil sighed, smiling happily, "Thank you, by the way," he said after a few seconds of comfortable silence.

Matthew turned to look at him curiously, "For what?"

Gil gestured vaguely with his free hand, "For this. Talking to me. Taking me to this place. Agreeing to spend time with the lone soldier."

Mattie smirked, turning back to the lake, "It's my pleasure."

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_Oh no... looks like two people may be falling in love. Those naughties... Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please review!_


	4. Chapter 4

4.

They spent quite a while sitting by the lake, enjoying each other's company. They talked about anything and everything. There were some happy conversations, and some not so much, but they both knew that at least for this day, they could be completely open with the other. After a particularly intense conversation about favorite foods, they agreed that pancakes with lots of maple syrup were by far the best. Neither wanted their short time together to end, but Gilbert knew by the setting sun that it was time for him to catch his bus.

He stood up and offered Matthew his hand. Mattie frowned but took it, pulling himself up. While doing so, he stumbled and fell right into Gil's arms. Matthew blushed and began to pull away, but found himself locked in Gilbert's arms. He looked up, surprised, into the blood-red eyes he was beginning to love, and tilted his head in question.

Before Mattie could say anything, Gil leaned in and pecked him right on the lips. His Birdie squeaked in surprise, but soon relaxed into the kiss. It was short and sweet, but when they pulled apart, they were both smiling.

"I'm sorry I have to leave you now," Gil said sadly, his smile fading. He didn't want this day to end. It had been the best day in a long time, and he wasn't looking forward to getting on a smelly bus and riding to the training camp.

Mattie sighed and pulled away, but snuck his hand into Gil's, "I'll walk with you."

"Thanks," Gilbert said, wanting to say more, but not sure what to say. They started back to the center of town in silence. The quiet wasn't uncomfortable, it was just sort of melancholy.

Gilbert broke the silence, just remembering, "Hey, I don't have anyone to send a letter to, so would you mind if I sent one back here to you?"

Matthew looked up in shock, "I would be honored Gil."

The man beside him started to grin wildly.

"What?" Matthew inquired.

"You just called me Gil," Gilbert said, still smiling happily.

Mattie rolled his eyes, but smiled fondly none the less. He pulled out a scrap of paper from his jacket and the pen he always kept there.

"Here," he said, scribbling his address messily onto the paper and handing it to the man next to him.

"Thank you Birdie, I mean it," Gil smiled sadly, "I'll miss you."

"And I you. I must admit, you are definitely the most awesome person I've ever met," Matthew said cheekily.

Gilbert laughed, "Told you I would be."

"I never doubted it for a second," Mattie promised teasingly.

They smiled at each other happily, but their smiles quickly faded as Gilbert's bus stopped beside them.

"Goodbye Birdie, until we meet again."

Matthew looked at Gilbert solemnly, "Only if you promise that we will meet again."

"Of course. The awesome me promises that we will see each other soon, but until then, I shall write every day I can."

"See you then," Mattie smiled sadly as Gilbert got on the bus. He stood there staring towards where the bus had left long after it was gone, then sighed and started his long walk home, happy and sad at the same time.

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_Chapter 4, yay! Sorry this was a sad chapter, and I apologize for the awkward kiss at the beginning. I won't be able to update for a while, but should get the next chapter up next week sometime. Anyway, hope you're enjoying it, even if my writing isn't the best... Please review!_


	5. Chapter 5

5.

Dear Birdie,

I'm in an army camp in California, and training is very intense. Nothing the awesome me can't handle, but still, it's hard. The group of boys that are here with me are very brave, but I can tell that they are scared. We're leaving for Vietnam next week because they need reinforcements, but none of us are ready. The rest of the boys all have families here in the states, and I can tell they miss them and are scared they will never see them again. I know I promised that we would meet again, and I will try to keep my promise the best I can, but I don't know for sure if I can anymore, and I'm sorry.

I had originally signed up to fight because I wouldn't be leaving anyone behind, no one back home cared enough for me to miss me. I never knew that I was going to meet you, because I would have changed my mind. I've always been so scared to love anyone, because in the past everyone has just been ripped out of my life, first with my mother, but then with my brother and father as well. I'm sure you can see why I may just be scared to love, as unawesome as that sounds. However, I cannot stop thinking about you, and though my mind is afraid, my heart has already fallen for you, as cheesy as that sounds.

So, my dear Birdie, you can know, however useless this information may be, that my heart is yours, and will be until my dying day. I'm sure you've already all but forgotten about me. You're probably off doing great things, and I wish you the best in what will hopefully be a long and fulfilling life. I will never forget you, and I can only hope that you will do the same for me. I will continue sending letters, because it makes an otherwise dreary day somewhat happy, but if you do not wish to, I can understand if you do not read them.

Now this letter turned out sadder than I had expected. Look what you did, making me have feelings. Naughty Birdie. Sadly we do not have pancakes or maple syrup at camp, and I look forward to the day when I can have that luxury again, hopefully with you in a small café when this blasted war is over.

I'm allowed one letter out of camp a month, and I hope that this one has been worthwhile for you, as it has been a pleasure for me to write and think of you reading it, maybe even sitting down by the same pier that we were together at for a too short afternoon. Until next time.

Love,

Gilbert

Matthew put the letter down as tears dripped down his face. He didn't know if they were tears of joy that Gilbert had actually remembered him and wrote to him, or tears of sadness that it was likely he would never see his Gil again.

He carefully folded the letter and tucked it into a drawer on his desk, sighing sadly and quickly wiping the tears from his face when he heard loud footsteps all but stomping up the stairs.

Alfred burst into Mattie's room, shouting, "Hey brother! Have you seen my jersey? I have to go to practice and I can't find it anywhere!"

Matthew cringed at the loud voice, "It's on your bed Alfred, you hoser."

"Oh. Thanks," Al said, only slightly less loud than his shouting voice. He turned to go, but looked back in confusion and curiosity at his twin.

"Why is your face red? Have you been crying?" He asked, concern lacing his voice, which was really strange for Matthew to hear coming from his obnoxious brother.

Mattie shook his head, "No, I think there's just something in my eye."

"Huh. Do you need help getting it out?" Matthew looked at Al in confusion. Why was he still here? This was the longest conversation Mattie had had with his brother in a very long time. Alfred was actually paying attention to him, which felt really weird.

"Nah. I'm good, thanks."

"Kay. See you tonight."

"Bye," Matthew mumbled back, still very confused.

He thought for a minute. People had been treating him differently lately. Ever since the day with Gil, the people at school and his own family had started acknowledging him, even if it was only small things. People seemed surprised he was there, but not as surprised as he was when they actually tried to talk to him.

Matthew didn't know what was up. Everyone was acting really strangely, like they had suddenly changed one day. He shook his head, not sure what to make of it, but also not realizing that it was him who had changed. He had become more noticeable without realizing it. That day at the pier made had changed something in him, and people were reacting to him differently and treating him as though he was there without even realizing it.

* * *

_I'm back! Sorry I've been on vacation, and I'm going to camp this next week, so I won't be able to update until later in August, and I'm very sorry for that. Hope you guys are enjoying it, and sorry for the little awkward little brother talk thing in this chapter. Gil made Mattie more noticeable though, so yay for that. Anyway, please review!_


	6. Chapter 6

6.

Mattie sat down at the lunch table with his new friends. At first Matthew was surprised when people talked to him, but he quickly got used to it and was even starting to enjoy it. He still didn't say much, but people wanted to spend time with him, so he tried to comment on things occasionally. Today the conversation at lunch was the football game next Friday. Since it was the first of the year, everyone was super excited about it. Football wasn't really a huge thing at Mattie's school, but the students liked going just to hang out with their friends, not to actually watch what was happening.

"Are you going to the game Mattie?" Toris inquired of his soft-spoken friend.

Matthew liked Toris since he was also quiet. Though they didn't have much in common, they still got along and helped each other with homework and such.

"Yeah, though I have to play in the band for the first half," he replied. In the past, Matthew just skipped the half of the game he didn't have to play in, but he decided this year he might as well do the whole social part of the football season too, since he actually had people to talk to now.

"That's right, you're one of those band kids," Toris smiled, then turned back to continue eating.

Matthew smiled happily and did the same, only half listening to the conversation the other kids at the table were having. His mind was elsewhere. He was thinking about Gilbert, again. It had been over a month since the last letter, and Matthew was hoping that Gil hadn't forgotten about him. Mattie didn't know what he felt for Gilbert, but it was definitely something strong. Matthew wished Gilbert hadn't signed up as a soldier, but there wasn't much he could do about it. Mattie missed him a lot, even though they had had just one day together, it seemed like he had known Gil for a long time.

Matthew knew that things in Vietnam were getting bad, and he guessed Gilbert was already overseas. Mattie tried not to worry too much, since Gilbert had promised to be safe and come back unharmed, but there was a nagging feeling that Mattie felt that he didn't like one bit. He knew that most of the soldiers sent overseas didn't come back, of if they did, it was in a coffin.

Mattie sighed. He should really stop thinking about those things. Of course Gil would come back. All Matthew could do until then was study for school and hope that the letters would keep coming.

_Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier _

Matthew grabbed the mail from the mailbox as he came home from school. From routine, he skimmed each envelope, not really expecting anything, and not letting himself to hope.

He froze in his tracks when he read an address from Vietnam. His eyes flicked to the name written in the center of the envelope. It was his. The letter had to be from Gilbert. Matthew tried very hard to contain his excitement. He almost ran into his house, dumped the other letters on the table and raced to his room, shutting the door behind him and carefully opening the letter very slowly. It read:

Dear Birdie,

It's been a while, hasn't it? I miss you and hope that you have not forgotten about your traveling soldier way over here in Vietnam. There are many things I want to say, but time and paper is scarce here. I look forward to the day when I get to see you again and talk about all the things I've missed in my time away.

Things are very different here. There's hardly enough food to get around, and fighting is hard. I remember every face of every person I've killed in the last month, and it haunts me all the time. From the many soldiers sent in my group, only about half are left. It's hard to see anything getting better, let alone the war ending.

When things are getting rough though, I think of that day sitting down on the pier. I can close my eyes and see your smile so clearly it's almost like you are right here next to me. Though I hope you are safe at home, living a normal life, I miss you dearly and hope you still think of me.

I'm glad for the day I met you, since the only thing that is keeping me going is the thought that one day I may see you again. If I hadn't had that day at the pier with you, I'm sure I would have given up long ago. It's surprising how much a month can change someone. The other boys all have haunted faces and sunken eyes, and I know my features match theirs. No one talks much here, and there are absolutely no jokes anymore. We've all seen the same thing, but it has affected us differently. I don't know what's keeping the others going, but I admire them.

I'm sorry for not being any happier, but things really are hard. You give me hope though, and I thank you for that. Don't worry, but I won't be able to write for a while. We have no extra paper, but we do hope to acquire some in the next few months, since we are slowly making our way to a supplies camp. I miss you, and I look forward to the day I can come back to you. See you then.

Love,

Gilbert

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_Sorry this took so long. I think there's only going to be one or two more chapters. Enjoy and review!_


	7. Chapter 7

7.

Matthew reread the letter for what seemed like the hundredth time. So many emotions and thoughts were running through his mind that he felt dizzy. He had sat down on his bed at one point, feeling too weak to stand.

"Gillll…." He half moaned, half whimpered, as he curled up into a ball and held the letter close to his chest. Matthew felt bad that gilbert was going through such a hard time. He wished he could do something about it, but Mattie was still far too young to sing up for the army himself, and he knew Gil would probably kill him if he got in any trouble or put himself in danger.

Mattie sighed and looked at the letter again. It was dated two weeks ago. He shuddered; a lot could happen in two weeks. He shook himself. There wasn't really anything he could do now except hope and pray for Gilbert's safe return, whenever that may be.

Matthew realized he didn't know much of anything about soldiers' lives. He didn't know what kind of train they had to go through, or how long they usually stayed overseas, or what kind of conditions they had to work through. He didn't even know what a group of soldiers was called.

With a determination he didn't have before, Mattie sat up, tucked the letter into the drawer with the previous letter, wiped his somewhat teary eyes on the back of his sleeve, and marched off to the library, wanting to learn anything and everything about a soldiers life. He thought it would maybe help him feel a little closer to Gil.

_Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier _

A few hours later, Matthew was sitting sulkily at practice, playing the songs he knew by heart with the rest of the school band. It was kind of hard to play his instrument while he was frowning so much, and he had gotten scolded by the director, Mr. Edelstein, more than once already. Mattie sighed and formed his mouth into a normal playing position._ At least he doesn't think I'm invisible anymore_, he thought to himself, glaring at his director.

The reason Matthew was in such a bad mood was because of what he found at the library. Or more of what he didn't find. There was very little on a soldier's life, though there was a lot on different battles in the past and strategies for war, which Mattie found most unhelpful. What little he did find on soldiers' fighting/working conditions sounded horrible enough that he worried for Gilbert all the more.

While he was thinking all this, he had started frowning again, and jumped in surprise when the director all but yelled at him, "You can't play correctly when you frown, Mr. Williams! Please refrain from doing that since we have to perform this Friday! You know how important the first football game is, don't you?"

Matthew shrunk a little under the glare he was receiving and the curious looks that his classmates were giving him. He mumbled out a, "Yes sir, sorry. It won't happen again."

"See that it doesn't," Mr. Edelstein replied curtly. Mattie began playing with the rest of the band again, normally and without frowning this time. Mr. Edelstein was normally a pretty nice teacher; he was just stressed about the upcoming game. To make sure Mattie didn't start frowning again, he cleared his head of all thoughts of Gilbert and concentrated on the music for the rest of practice.

_Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier _

The last notes of the national anthem died and the clapping was halfhearted, as always. Matthew lowered his instrument and waited for Mr. Edelstein to give the cue to sit down. He waited for a few seconds, but when no cue came, Mattie looked around in confusion. His classmates were doing the same until the announcer's voice came on over the speakers, and they realized they should stay standing for a while longer.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the first football game of the year. Before we start, however, can we all bow our heads for a list of the local Vietnam dead. This list includes everyone who has been brave and went to fight for our country that reside in our county. It's important that we show support to the family and friends of the fallen. With that being said, the list is as follows: James Abrams, dead. Robert Ackerman, missing in action. Thomas Aitken, missing in action. Ronald Aldridge, dead…."

Matthew froze, then relaxed a little. There was no way Gilbert could be on that list. Mattie knew Gil came from a town a little north from here, so he might be in their county, but surely he couldn't be dead, he had sent a letter only two weeks before… Nothing too drastic could have happened in that time, could it have? Mattie started shaking, what if Gilbert's name wound up on the list? What would he do?

"Raymond Archer, missing in action. Steven Arellano, dead…" The announcer's voice kept going. It seemed to be getting louder and louder. Matthew screwed his eyes tightly and hugged himself, trying to calm his ragging mind. _He's not going to be on the list. He's not going to be on the list. HE'S NOT GOING TO BE ON THE LIST! _Mattie thought ferociously to himself, hoping that if he thought it loud enough that it would be true.

"Peter Barnard, dead. Anthony Becher, missing in action. Gilbert Beilschmidt, missing in action…" Matthew stopped listening after that. He was in shock, but only for a few seconds. His eyes snapped open and he couldn't think of anything to do but run. When he dropped his instrument on his way outside, he didn't stop or even think about what he would have do about it later, he just ran and ignored the shouts coming from behind him.

Hot tears spilled down his checks as he ran. Matthew didn't know where he was going, but he didn't exactly care either. His mind was in shock, refusing to believe what he had just heard. He sprinted away from the football stadium for a good ten minutes until he finally collapsed, breathing heavily with tears slowly leaking out of his closed eyes.

When Matthew finally got his breathing a little more back to normal, he opened his eyes a little bit, only to see that he had collapsed on the beach by the pier, where he and Gilbert had sat so many weeks before. Matthew let out a strangled cry, and it held so much pain and hurt that it should have made him feel better, but it didn't. He curled into a ball and sobbed, loudly, not caring who heard since there was no one around to hear his pain. His Gilbert was gone. And he wasn't coming back.

* * *

_Sorry it was sad... and sorry I'm not that great of a writer. None of the "dead or MIA soldiers" mentioned were real people, as far as I know. They were just made up to get Mattie all stressed out. I think this is the end, unless someone wants another chapter...?_


	8. Chapter 8

8.

For days Matthew didn't do anything but lie on his bed and stare at the ceiling. He didn't go to school, he barely ate, and he wouldn't talk. This of course caused many people to become very concerned for him. Mattie's parents called on a doctor to look at their son, but when the doctor could find nothing wrong with their child, it left them very puzzled and concerned.

Alfred would come in and try to cheer his twin up with jokes or stories, but when Matthew just stared at him or kept his eyes closed and turned away, Alfred got scared. He knew his brother was usually pretty quiet, but he never missed school unless he was incredibly sick. Teachers and students both kept asking Alfred what was going on and if Matthew was okay. Al didn't know what to say; a lot of people cared about his brother, and they wanted him to come back.

"Hey Mattie," Alfred came into the room quietly, not wanting to disturb his brother if he was sleeping. Matthew, however, turned toward him with dull, expressionless eyes that scared Al, but he tried not to show how frightened and worried he was. He knew Matthew could usually see right through him anyway, so he soon dropped his concealment tactics.

Alfred sighed but rushed out what he was planning to say anyway, "I just wanted you to know how worried everyone is about you. Everyone at school, even the teachers, are asking if you're okay and when you'll be back. A lot of people miss you and care about you Mattie, and you're scaring us. You're scaring me. I don't know what's wrong, but I'll do anything to help. I just want you to be better again."

Alfred had looked down at his hands sometime during his speech; he wasn't used to talking about his feelings and it made him feel awkward, but he really was concerned about his brother. He glanced up, surprised to see silent tears running down Matthew's face.

His brother attempted a sad, watery smile and quietly said, "Th-thank you, Al."

Alfred gave him an uncertain, half-smile, and replied by rushing forward to embrace his twin. Matthew was surprised. They hadn't hugged for years because Alfred had decided they were too old for such things. He relaxed a little and put his arms around Al, returning the hug.

After a moment, Alfred pulled away and furiously wiped his eyes. He was totally not crying. Not one bit. He saw Mattie smiling at him and he let out a half sob, half laugh, and stood up saying in a somewhat choked voice, "Just… just let me know if you need anything, okay?"

Matthew nodded and watched his brother walk out of the room wiping his eyes again. Mattie lay back down and looked at the ceiling, thinking to himself. He felt a little better knowing that people cared about him and noticed he was missing. He had been pretty devoid of emotions since he learned… since he had learned about that. He didn't remember how he had gotten home that day, though he assumed he must have walked.

The past several days came back to him in flashes. He remembered mostly trying not to think while looking at his ceiling, blurred faces of people coming to see him, and the cold despair that had clung to him like a leech.

Mattie pushed those thoughts away as he sat up again. He knew he couldn't stay like this the rest of his life. _Gilbert is gone_, he forced himself to think, pushing away the screaming hurricane of emotions that tried to get into his head as he thought those dreaded words.

_Gilbert is dead, but I am not_. _I need to move on_. Mattie stood up and headed towards the bathroom. He really needed a shower. He would never forget those blazing red eyes that pierced his heart, or that laugh that turned his insides into butterflies. He would never forget that day on the pier, or holding that warm, callused hand. He turned on the shower and stepped in, running through the familiar motions of washing his hair.

He would never hold the hand of another guy, and he would never love another. His love and Gilbert's would never die, no matter what separated them. He could almost hear Gilbert's laugh and see his smiling face. Matthew ignored the salty tears mixing with the warm drops of water from the shower. He hadn't cried since the night he learned Gil would not be coming back, and he needed to let some of the pent up sadness out. As the tears spilled down his face, he could feel himself feeling a little better. He could do this. He could keep going. He would never have Gilbert by his side again, and that hurt, more than words could describe, but he could live. He was alive now, and he was okay. He was nowhere near good, but he was okay. He was functioning.

_Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier Travelin' Soldier_

As the days spun by, Matthew slowly got better. He went back to school, and was overwhelmed by all the people saying how great it was that he was better. Toris even gave him a hug, which seemed to surprise both of them. Mattie was spending a lot of time catching up on school work, so he didn't have much time to think, which as probably for the better.

Mr. Edelstein welcomed him back to band by scowling at him and saying something along the lines of, "Good. You're section was starting to get lazy without you." All Matthew could do was smile and nod, not knowing what to say to most of the happy comments he received on his return.

He was a little hesitant about going back to his job at the café, since that was where he first met Gil, and he wasn't sure how his boss would react about him not showing up to work for a week, but after a day or two of thinking it over, he walked in and immediately started apologizing to his boss, hoping against hope that he would take him back. His boss just grunted and shoved a washcloth and bucket of soapy water at him and pointed to the tables, cutting off Mattie's words.

Life was more or less back to normal for Matthew, though at night he sometimes curled up as tight as he could go and let his mind wander to that dangerous place where Gilbert was waiting patiently for his Birdie to join him. Matthew didn't join him though until he had lived a full life, keeping his promise and never marrying, never even interested in anyone else. After so many years, Mattie still didn't forget any detail of Gilbert's face, and as he lay on his deathbed, surrounded by his family and loved ones, he closed his eyes and welcomed Gil's embrace as he joined him where they would never be separated again.

End.

* * *

_Last chapter... yay. Or maybe not so much. I'm sorry this turned out so sadly, and I apologize for the horrible ending. I've never actually finished a story before, so I'm pretty bad with endings. This fic was fun to write, even though it was terribly depressing. Maybe I'll make a happy PruCan fic sometime, who knows. Anyway, let me know what you thought, and thank you for taking time to read my little story!_


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